‘I adore her now’: Mother learns to cope with child’s autism in a country with little help

‘I adore her now’: Mother learns to cope with child’s autism in a country with little help

Martha Ongwane gazes affectionately at her daughter Rachael, now a lively four-year-old. Two years ago, she had considered ending her life, unable to imagine the joy she now feels. At the time, Rachael’s non-verbal nature, biting behavior, and constant movement overwhelmed Martha, leaving her emotionally drained and desperate.

Living in Malawi, where support for neurodevelopmental conditions is scarce, Martha faced isolation. Her neighbors blamed her for Rachael’s behavior, urging her to confine the child. Without understanding autism, they saw it as a personal failure. Martha recalls her darkest moment: “I told myself it would be better if she died because that would mean she would rest and that would be the end of our problems.” She hesitated, then wept, choosing life over despair.

Today, the family’s life in Mzuzu, northern Malawi, is filled with warmth. Rachael clings to her mother’s lap as they prepare lunch, her laughter echoing through the room. Martha slices vegetables to accompany nsima, a maize-based porridge, while the child hugs her face. This shift is thanks to access to specialized care through Saint John of God, a Catholic-run initiative aiding disabled children.

Founded with support from the Catholic Church, Saint John of God offers community-based mental health services and a school for those with special needs. For Martha and her husband, it became a turning point. They received counseling, gaining a network of educators and professionals who could address Rachael’s challenges. “For a woman to reach a point where she feels she should kill her child—this shows our nation has failed her,” says Christopher Mhone, the organization’s representative. He highlights how emotional strain can push families to breaking point.

According to the World Health Organization, over 60 million people globally have autism. The condition, a neurodevelopmental disorder, affects communication, social interaction, and perception. However, in Malawi, only two developmental pediatricians and three psychiatrists serve a population of more than 22 million. Autism is often misunderstood, with the term “ozelezeka” used in Chichewa to describe someone mentally challenged, or “ofuntha” for someone troublesome.

At a community center near Martha’s home, religious leaders—Christian and Muslim—gather on plastic chairs to attend an autism awareness session. Some still believe witchcraft causes the condition, citing magic used on pregnant women. Mhone uses these discussions to challenge misconceptions, emphasizing practical interventions. “Her burden became too heavy to carry alone,” he reflects, noting how lack of resources can turn care into crisis. The family’s journey, he says, is a testament to the power of support in changing lives.